The Second “Last” Time

So, several years has past…five I think. I was working at a different place and life was just life. Who doesn’t have issues and problems to go through. Believe it or not, I’m a firm believer that if you have someone who is with you, by your side, supportive and all that other stuff, then a person (a man) can withstand anything. But what happens to that man when it seems as if the very thing he wants so much doesn’t seem to be there for him. Don’t get me wrong, I do believe that it goes both ways. Women (wives) need support also. They deserve to be loved, cherished, cared for, protected, respected, and ultimately “not cheated on”. But again, that’s what I did. Why? Remember, there are no excuses here…but there is a reason.

It was around 2002 and like I said, I was working at a different job. I was in between jobs and I picked up this job to keep some kind of income coming in. It was a fun little job in which I was able to use my personality a lot. She was a co-worker and pretty fun to work with. She was cute and there wasn’t an attraction there at first. I know, it’s hard to believe that a man can work around cute women and not be attracted to them. But honestly, I wasn’t. We worked close together and as we began to talk about stuff it slowly set in. I was still having my own issues at home, but she began to tell me about her problems with her “husband”. Yes, she was also married. The ironic part is that she had suspicions that he was cheating on her. Thinking that I was doing some good, I began to listen as she talked about her problems at home. Little did she know, her woes were similar to mine. He would go out and come home late…seemed tired all the time when she wanted to be intimate…in other terms…she wasn’t getting any at home….ha, and on the other end neither was I – at least not like I wanted. Ya know, I never gave my wife any indication that I had ever cheated or had thoughts of cheating. She had her own issues of insecurity and history that always kept the finger pointed at me. All of her boyfriends in the past cheated on her and that just made what I did even worse. To this day, she has mentioned that over and over. She said she never thought her “husband” would cheat on her…and yet, I did. But it was always in the back of her mind…even when I didn’t or wasn’t even thinking about it.

So, time passed and I continued to be the ear. The jokes about being stressed, not getting any at home and yada, yada, yada soon started and that meant trouble. I still wasn’t sharing my own issues, but just knowing that someone else “a woman” was kind of feeling the same was crazy. Anyway, one day she was working the cash register. It was time for me to relieve her. It’s a little cloudy as to what exactly happened, but I was standing there and she was coming away from the register. She dropped something and bend down quickly to pick it up. When she bent down, she backed right up against me. Now I’ve been around the block a few times and I think I know when something is deliberate or not. Anyway, this really seemed like an accident. Regardless, the two places that shouldn’t have bumped together did exactly that. From there the jokes started. She would say stuff like, “what do you have down there”, or “you better watch it”. Well, one day she was trying to put something up on a shelf. In my weakness “and stupidity” I walked up behind her to help. I kind of bump up against her she looked back and said “hello”, as if she was saying I hit the right spot. From that day on I must say that we flirted here and there. The conversations continued and she would give me these sexy looks. One day the flirting and sexy looks were almost out of control until she said hey “you want to fool around”…who says that, right. Anyway, I was like naaaah, but she kept pressing…you know, pulling on my arm, smiling, laughing, etc. She said meet me in the back by the bathrooms in 10 minutes, and walked off. I continued doing what I doing, not really thinking about it. Then I started thinking about it. “I bet she’s not back there”, I kept thinking. “Even if she is, I’m not going to do anything”, I thought. Needless to say, I went back there and there she was. I remember her saying, “I thought you weren’t coming”. I must admit that from that point I was like a deer peering into headlights. I tried to make small talk but she grabbed my arm and pulled me into the restroom. I stood there and looked at her reached down and started to unzip my pants. I tried to act like I didn’t want to do it, but deep down inside I knew I did. I was thinking in my head “don’t do this, don’t do this”.  At the same time, blood flowed to that part and she grabbed me and said “hello”…like she did before. At that point I couldn’t fight it anymore and it happened right there.

If you’ve never seen a grown man cry because of what just happened, you should have seen me. Afterwards, I walked outside to the back of the building and cried like a baby.

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