Well, it’s been a long time since I’ve written anything. It’s almost fitting that I write something since things are not going so well. What is going on with me? Right now I feel so blah, blah, blah. My life has been so messed up that frankly I don’t know who I am anymore. Seriously. Right now I’m sitting at work writting this stupid blog and just really don’t care. They say that if you write down your feelings to get them out you will feel better….well, it’s not working. Maybe its because I don’t even know what or where my feelings are coming from. I’m angry, mad, upset, sad, hurt, confused and pissed off all at the same time.
I think I’m a sex addict.
Hmmmm, that just came out. Maybe not a sex addict but I do like sex. But I don’t have enough with my wife because I muckidy, muckidy mucked that up didn’t I. Yeah, it’s been years but the residuals are still coming in. It’s not just that though. My wife has issues. Issues that were around long before I met her. I have issues too. And my issues have been around way long before I met her. Together….we both have issues. Ya know, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. We both defend our weaknesses with things that hurt the other.
Right now I’m tired of being safe. I guess what I mean by that is that I’m tired of trying to be good…trying to do the right thing…trying to be a good husband, a good father, etc. I actually feel like a punk. I let my wife’s actions and reaction kick me in the face everytime. I never used to be like that. Yeah, I know I’m all over the map with this but hey….