As I sit alone, I try to figure out “who am I”. A person I’ve known all my life and yet I can’t seem to realize my own existence. A confused state I’m in; but am I really confused? A sad state I’m in; but am I really sad? Can I stand outside myself and see what kind of person I am becoming? I don’t have to. I can see it in the eyes of the one who cares for me.As I view this reflection of me, I begin to seclude myself from the one who cares and also others. I see a person whom I’ve never seen before. I cannot describe him because I do not know him; but yet he is me. I have never seen this side of me before. It’s all happening so fast, so fast that I can’t stop and talk to him. At this moment he is stronger than I am. There are times when I can overcome him; times when I break through his barrier and speak. But once he realizes this, he becomes stronger and takes control. It is a part of me that I’ve never seen before; but yet and still it’s me.
What must I do?
I must find out his weaknesses and strong points. I must fight within myself, to free myself, from myself. A battle that seems impossible to win but yet has to be fought. In the meantime, my seclusion is hurting the ones I love and those who love me. Though I understand their concerns, I must seek the answers for the question that invades my mind alone.
So off I go; to fight a war that could end with the blinking of an eye, or one that could last until my existence is not more.
And so, for the “blinking of and eye” I pray….