My wife knows about my infidelity. But I have a question for you…if someone cheats, should they tell their spouse? Who does it benefit? And don’t give me any talk about “oh, we tell each other everything”. Yeah right! If you do then that’s not too smart. That’s another can of worms that I’m not going to dig into at this moment.
But what do you do? Do you tell him/her that you have cheated…or are cheating. And who does it benifit? If it’s for you then I say that it is quite selfish to do so. You decide to tell him/her just so you can get the guilt off of your back. Or worse, so you can hurt him/her and get a reaction out of them.
I guess the next question is, is it wrong not to tell him/her? My answer is no. On these television shows, a friend of him/her always finds out and says, “you better tell her/her or I will”. Again, for whose benefit.
Now for the flip side. What if you are him/her and you find out. Either it comes from him/her telling you or your friend tells you…you find out. Afterwards, you decide to stay with him/her. Is that wrong? Good question. Let some people tell it and you are definitely wrong for staying. Oh, it has come out several times during arguments we’ve had though. My wife would say things like, “I should have left when I had the chance”. She said that so she wouldn’t have any part in the reason behind us separating or divorcing. Yeah, some people told her that she needed to leave but she didn’t. Yes, I’m grateful that she didn’t.
Here’s my position. If a person is cheating, then he/she needs to stop. I was a lousy cheater. I didn’t get any satisfaction from my TWO encounters of infidelity. I had sex with those women and couldn’t even enjoy it because I was so messed up when I was doing it. Some people may say….yeah, I can believe the first time but the second time too! Yep, both times. Anyway, if a person is cheating he/she needs to stop or leave. If they “have cheated” there’s no reason he/she needs to tell him/her.
But what about speculation? What if she/he speculates that you are cheating? This can be true because if you are cheating, you are guaranteed to show signs. In my case, my wife accused me of cheating long before I did. But she was misreading the signs she was getting. I wasn’t cheating, nor was I thinking about it. But anyway….
If you are actively sleeping around with someone other than your spouse or girl/boy friend, you are going to involuntarily show signs. It can be as subtle as the way you greet him/her when you see them. So just stop it…or leave. But what if they approach you and question if you are or have cheated. Well, during a heated argument is definitely not the time to confess that you have cheated. Nor is during a sad moment the time. Unless you hear God tell you to tell them, I think you should confess your infidelity to God and keep your mouth shut….Oh, and don’t do it again!